Accountability to yourself is difficult. I really thought this blog would help me along. I thought throwing all this out there for whoever may come across it would make me try harder. However, as I have witnessed from my first ten week challenge...so far that is not the case.
Two years ago I was in an amazingly good place with my body and exercise. I don't remember what the motivation was or what about that time in my life allowed me to be so dedicated. But I was at the gym almost every day. Trying new classes, especially on the weekends. It was the best I ever felt. And...I thought I looked pretty dang good too! Then hubby and I went to Italy, which I knew would be a bit of a set-back. But we walked everywhere and I knew I could jump back on the wagon after our vacations, I mean...what are vacations for!?!? We came back in time for the holidays - and then, I got sick. It took a long time to get better. And once I was - my motivation just hasn't been the same. I work out here and there, some weeks better than others. My diet is hit and miss, and my eating habits are not as healthy as I want them to be.
Perhaps it is fear, after my body has been through so much? Perhaps it is because I am just not in the same shape, so it is harder? But I want to get that motivation back. I want to hold myself accountable. I really want that feeling back of knowing that I am in great shape and proud of myself for it. So if I know I want all this...why can't I just do it?
As I struggle through this ten-week challenge -- seeing the weeks slip by unsuccessful week after unsuccessful week -- that is my question to myself. I know how good it feels to succeed at these goals. I know that this is for me, and me alone. My husband loves me no matter what. My doctors say I am doing great, and in a great place. But I know how I feel. And it is for me, to feel better about me. I know my priorities are where they should be. So now I just need to make it happen.
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